Kids Party Etiquette for Parents
By: Patricia Jensen

Ever feel like youre out of the loop when it comes to the unspoken rules of kids party etiquette

Experienced Moms and Dads know the dos and donts of both hosting and attending kids parties.

Here are some pearls of wisdom from these parent experts to those just starting out on the party circuit...

INVITATIONS

The rule of thumb passed down by experienced Moms and Dads is to invite the same number of party guests as your childs age. Resist the temptation to invite every child in your childs classroom. Be discrete and avoid hurt feelings by mailing invitations home instead of passing them out in school. A manageable party is a more enjoyable one both for the party attendants and for you!

PARTY TIME AND DURATION

An hour is sufficient for toddlers and preschoolers when naptimes are still an issue. Plan your party when the birthday child will be freshest and best able to handle all the excitement perhaps a morning brunch is best.

For older school age children a two to three hour party at any time of day is a safe bet; evening parties and sleepovers are popular options for preteens.

RSVPs

Always include an RSVP date and phone number on your party invitations. In the event of a guest failing to RSVP a cordial call on or after your RSVP date is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes mail is delayed and other mishaps occur and you need to be sure that the invitation was received. In addition knowing the exact guest count is necessary for planning purposes.

GIFT GAFFES

Children may sometimes express their true and not necessarily polite feelings about a gift they have received. In advance of the party explain to your child that its necessary to thank all the giftgivers with equal enthusiasm no matter what the gift. Impress upon your him or her that each guest feels their gift is special and that its the thought behind it that counts.

If you plan to open gifts at the party make it early before kids are tired cranky and hyped with sugar. Of course this issue can be avoided entirely by opening the gifts after guests have departed a timesaving practice which prevents the embarrassment of the party child making ungrateful comments.

COMPETITIVE GAMES

Theres nothing wrong with good oldfashioned competition; it gets the adrenalin going and cranks up the excitement. Just make sure that the elements of each game are manageable for the age group you are inviting. A trial run with the party child prior to the party will likely head off any problems.

In addition small gifts such as a lollipop or small trinkets given to every player for completing the game is preferable to awarding one large prize to the winner only. Planning a craft activity or endofparty reading time will involve all the guests even the quieter ones.

SIBLINGS SHOWING UP UNINVITED

Be very clear on your party invitation by using the name of the guest invited. Some people will ignore the obvious and do whats convenient for them anyway so have a few extra goodie bags on hand for siblings who just show up.

BACKUP PLANS

If youre having an outdoor party its good common sense to have a rainy day alternative. Confirm your entertainer one week before party time but prepare a handful of games you can orchestrate on your own if necessary. If a guest or two are late for the festivities dont delay your schedule but keep on as planned. Although noshows delays and inclement weather are party bummers you can still

pull it off like professional with a little advance preparation.

PARTY CHILD MISBEHAVING

Heres where some advance coaching is in order. Emphasize the important role your child has as the party host or hostess to make guests feel comfortable. Discuss the responsibilities s/he will have such as greeting the guests showing them where to sit at the party table and handing out party favors. Stress that through helping others enjoy the day your child will likely have a better time too. A gentle reminder during the party should be all thats needed once youve laid down the ground rules.

GUESTS MISBEHAVING

The party excitement coupled with sugar intake can lead to tantrums tears and other misbehavior. Step back a moment and try to handle these problems with patience and diplomacy. A little attention and redirection is sometimes all thats needed to remedy the situation.

Give the child a special job to do or make them an honorary party helper. If the behavior escalates dont be afraid to separate the child to a quiet room. Explain that bad behavior will not be tolerated and that the parents will be called to take him or her home if it continues.

DUPLICATE GIFT DILEMMA

If theres a gift receipt attached from a thoughtful parent youre golden. Otherwise dont get into it with another parent unless you can do so without causing offense. You can try just returning the gift for store credit if you know where it was purchased. Or stash it away with the name of the original giftgiver taped to it. This way you can recycle the gift making sure it goes to an entirely new (and hopefully appreciative) child.

THANK YOU NOTES

Thank you notes are an excellent way to promote good manners and appreciation in your children. Not only are they important social skill builders they foster good writing and creativity as well. Kids will learn to enjoy writing thank you cards if you make it a fun project by using colorful note cards and glittery gel pens or let them design their own on the computer.

For younger children its OK for the parent to write the note and have the party child sign it. The party child could even draw a picture which Mom or Dad can copy and send as a thank you. The fillintheblanks type thank you note are a great alternative too. Another super idea is to include a picture of the guest taken with the party child along with the thank you note.

Incidentally its critical to keep a careful list of whogavewhat so thank you notes can be sent without mixups.

CAN PARENTS STAY

If youre unsure if you can accompany your child to a party just be up front with the parents beforehand and ask what their party plans are. The RSVP call is a great time to ask questions. Most parents of younger children know some kids are more comfortable with their parents around and plan accordingly. (A pot of coffee and extra cake or munchies for the adults.) Most parents will offer to help if they stay an extra bonus for the host/hostess!

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Patricia B. Jensen is a mother of three and kids party enthusiast. She is the webmaster and owner of